I'm not familiar with the bipolar section of PC. I've always thought of myself as prone to being depressed. My diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent, moderate (with anxiety.)

This past Friday, I was in what can only be described as some sort of mania, though I would call it hypomania. I have never been delusional, or thought I was God, or anything like that. That's my understanding of mania . . . probably not a very informed understanding. I have had lots and lots of experience with this mini-mania thing. It's not all that minor, though. Also, I've been prone, under stress, to become a person who is impossible to deal with. It is humiliating . . . in the aftermath. It has made me believe that I have a personality disorder . . . and even ask to be diagnosed with PD NOS.

After being on top of the world Friday evening, I have, today, descended to the depths of abject miserableness. I can explain it all, of course. I had a reason to be up and that thing I was all happy about didn't pan out, and so it's only logical that I'm all down, today. It's always logical . . . to me. Years of this has got me to where I am extremely distressed, and I can see that there is something unreasonable about my whole frame of mind.

In reading some threads in this area, I've read things that resonate with me. I will try to follow this forum more and see if I gain any understanding.

I've been tried on every kind of drug there is. Lamictal doesn't help at all. I can't tolerate Lithium. Seroquel didn't help.

Tricyclic antidepressants have helped relieve depression. I always go back to amitriptyline. Mainly, it helps me sleep and not feel as tired in the daytime. Just the same, I go in and out of pretty awful depression.

The hypomania (if that's what it was) on Friday eve made me unable to focus on anything but excited thoughts for hours. That happens to me a lot and getting worse. It does give some relief from depression.

Today, I've been awful depressed. I don't mind having the "excited" episodes. All I want is relief from disabling depression. It is awful. Maybe learning about bipolar problems could help me understand what is wrong with me.