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Originally Posted by Phoenix217
Unfortunately, I have a tendency to divulge too much info about myself to too many people when I'm being paranoid so that's causing me some stress now. Do you do that too? Tell people stuff you normally wouldn't and wish you hadn't when you're manic?
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Yup! All the time. I am always kicking myself for saying too much and revealing too much of myself. Even in therapy, which should be the last place that this should happen. Ugh. I gotta get over that. What's the point of holding back from your T?
When I'm down I am super paranoid and my mind keeps looping. I've spoken to people after episodes like that and they say I just keep saying the same thing over and over, usually something that I've blown way out of proportion and am absolutely freaking out about. Then when I'm normal (or hypo) I think: "what an idiot! Why did I say all that?" I try to do a whole lot of backpedaling and try to play down what I'd been on about which of course just makes me seem madder because I'm still obsessing over nothing. I always feel like I have to explain that I was paranoid too as an excuse for ranting on and on and sounding like such a loon. Then I try to remind myself to never say anything ever that might reveal too much, which of course doesn't work
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix217
It's weird. It's not till it's over that I really process the consequences. I know they're there because my conscience keeps nagging at me but they're not real or don't really matter. Maybe it's an agoraphobia type of thing for you? You like knowing that you can bail?
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Phoenix, I think our brains might be long lost cousins
You're probably right about the bailing. It's my brain saying, "Keep a distance and you'll stay safe". But inapporpriate relationships are screwing up my life, so I gotta sort that s**t out.
It's really hard having those two sides, and never being sure from day to day how you are going to react to things or what you're going to decide is appropriate to do now, which may seem completely inapprorpriate the next day or week or month. The constant swings between high self esteem and low self esteem make it really hard to establish a stable identity. I also get the vulnerability in terms of sexuality and letting things happen that aren't necessarily what you want to happen. Sometimes I feel like I am this hypersexualised person, but just as often I feel either asexual or reserved in terms of sexuality. I think that's why incidents like the one I first posted about bother me so much when i'm not "up". They don't really fit into all parts of my personality. .
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Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
Oh, gender bias for sure - I am yet to see a post from an older guy regretting having slept with a ninceteen year old girl.
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Sooooo true!!! Ain't it always the way