Chris I could never be tired of hearing from you! If it helps any, think about replying to people's threads as doing them a major favour, there is nothing worse than posting a thread and not getting responses, so the simple fact that you've taken the time to read my post, let alone actually sit down and bother to reply, means a lot to me . (Same for you too Captain Argh!)

Interesting that despite the fact you don't act on your anger, people are aware of it and tell you you're a ticking time bomb. I hardly ever act on my anger it just sits inside eating away at me - it's more like gnawing impotent resentment and I hate it. I'd love to be able to punch holes in walls and feel ok about doing so. So even though neither of us openly act on anger (at least not around people) they nevertheless pick up on it. Anger has such bad press in our culture and there's this incessant pressure from all sides to get rid of it, not feel it, control it, 'manage' it that it's really difficult to feel ok about feeling angry, that is just feeling it, let alone expressing it.

Captain Argh just about everything you said resonates with me!

Snap. A lot of my anger is frustration, where I feel powerless and out of control, and mostly that's to do with not being able to just be me (having to control 'bad' feelings and thoughts and impulses, mostly out of fear, and so ending up not being seen for who I really am and not being understood and accepted etc etc...)

I do very much get what you're saying about holding the anger in until a valid external reason presents itself and then you have at least some permission for venting it (of course others tend to see it as overreacting, and it never feels ok anyway because the anger stems from other things not the actual here and now catalyst for it.)

But don't you find that thinking like that just makes you even angrier? It does me. Sometimes I really long to be able to dump all the blame and rage that sits in my head and messes me up onto the rest of the world - I get so tired of carrying the can for every single feeling I have .

But of course, that would just alienate people even further from me and put me beyond the pale, alone and unwanted, that's definitely not ok. This is a real no win situation to be in.

I was thinking about this anger thing on the way to therapy the other day, and I suddenly realized that what I'm experiencing is borderline rage. My T assessed me primarily as AvPD but she was clear that she thought I had strong borderline tendencies (which I couldn't really see myself). Now I do and it makes a lot of sense. I wonder if those of us with AvPD who also have to deal with a lot of seemingly over the top anger aren't holding a foot in the borderline camp?

Anyway I write that just to say that I'm going to take the issue of anger over to the BPD forum and see what others' take on it is over there. And how they deal with it...

Thanks you two for replying

Torn