Have no advice with the letter writing but before you do write and send that letter make sure you have plenty of support, grounding tools and so on. Like before you are in control of if you end up in the hospital or not. her reaction to the letter be it not answering it, letting some time go by before answering it,, writing right back to you, calling you after a bit, calling right away or come visit you later or right away. Nothing she does controls or reflects on you. She may be the type of person that cannot handle having a mentally ill friend or a friend who lands in the hospital or a friend who is solely dependant on her. People have things going on in their own lives. I have a friend who cannot write back to me alot. thats not a reflection on me its that in her personal life she has a family to raise and tours the country from time to time. I have a friend here locally who cannot have me solely depending on her. that isn't a reflection on me. Its that the type of job she has is emotionally draining and she is also a single parent raising a challenging child that requires alot of supervision and attention. I have another friend locally who told me she could not be on my mental health safety plan that DHS asked me to write up. It wasn't a reflection on me that she cant be one of my contacts when I am in crisis. its the fact that she works for a DHS office and it would be a conflict of interest if her name appeared on my papers and DHS file and also if I ended up in the hospital ER and she was called it also would not look good my having a friend in the DHS office when I have a child in foster care going through residential treatment facilities. I have another friend that says If you attempt suicide one more time I have to close our friendship door because your actions do not help my problems they make them worse and I can only take care of me right now. I can't worry about waking up tomorrow to a phone call saying you are dead. Its not a reflection on me as a friend its that this friend lost someone real close to her to suicide and losing another person will literally take her over the edge. she has to put herself first for her own sanity.

If this friend contacts you and says no to friendship its because they have things going on in their own lives that conflicts with what you need from her. It does not mean you are a bad person and is a reason to land in the hospital. if that no comes she is not telling you to hurt yourself, kill yourself and so on. only you can control your reactions, only you make your decisions. If you land in the hospital its no reflection on her in fact she probably will not know you land in the hospital after telling you no friendship if that is what she decides.

All she is telling you if she says no friendship is that due to her own life she can not be there for you. Her decision to end the friendship is no reflection on you just like your decisions of self harm and hospitalization are no reflection on her. Her decisions are based on her needs and what she can handle and your decisions are based on your needs and what you can handle.

Good luck.and hang in there.