Oh Dark Heart, it sounds as if you are in so much agony. I am so sorry. This is unchartered territory for me in a way, but I obsess, and some people can't grasp that, so that makes sense to me--the frustration you feel in that. Try to extract yourself from this situation as much as possible til you get to your pdoc and get relief from your symptoms. Also try to distract yourself from the situation as much as possible so it doesn't consume you. When my OCD is trying to take control of me, I recognize it for what it is and try to remove myself from the object and focus on something very different. Get to PC and just talk away. Write away. Do whatever you need to do that might help. Know we are listening and that we care. All the best, and let us know how you make out. I know this stuff is hard to talk about, but good for you for taking that step. Each little step you take will get you to where you want to be.