look up the poem "before the first cut". As Sam said, the problem is that it gets worse. you will set boundaries and then cross them. I was never going to go that deep, until I did, and then I swore I'd never do it again, and then I did. None of us ever planned on causing permanent damage, or blacking out, or getting infections. Hospitals are insanely sterile and people still get infections. And what happens when you are panicked, and don't have access to a sterile tool. I thought safety and logic would win out... it doesn't.