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Jan 09, 2013, 06:43 PM
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I thought I'd ask the lady at the local pet store if she would like to hang out with me; we seemed to connect when we had a 20 minute conversation in the store last week. She was there when I received my shipment of tarantulas.
So since I was there today I thought I would ask her if she wanted to hang out. Obviously she doesn't want to  .
It's been several years now that I have been without friends beyond sending emails and Internet chat rooms. Just can't find someone in my general age group that would like to spend time with me. And I am not referring to strictly romantic relationships, either. It would really make a significant difference in my life if I had a few, or even one, close friend I could talk to and spend time with, instead of always talking to myself and communicating through PC and Facebook.
Nope! All I can do is write letters to myself, hope someone sends me a message on the Internet, and attend sessions with my T. The loneliness can make me want to rip my hair out and, at times, die. I told another user that it has been so long since I've had a hug that I can't remember what it is like. It was in 2011 when I last made a suicide plan because I am so fed up of being rejected, shunned, looked down on, and being bad to everyone.
Do I have so few positive qualities that nobody I meet likes me unless they're paid to talk to me or are old enough to be my parents or grandparents? Am I really that bad?
Please don't tell me that I will meet a special person one day or any of that 'comforting' talk - I am too analytical and calculative for that to work.
I'll now crawl back into my hole…thanks for reading
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