SpiritOfAStorm,

Sounds like you have been going through a rough time for a long time. I'm 46 and was diagnosed Bipolar I a couple years ago ! It certainly explains alot of things in my life. I had been diagnosed many many times as MMD. Antidepressants just flip me into a ugly mania.

Do you have a Therapist? I feel talk therapy is very important, helps with the current problems and helps you make peace with your past.

Good Luck and glad you are here.