Well first of all it just sounds like maybe you have some self esteem issues. Your beating your self up for no reason. I know its hard to meet people and really connect especially if you have been out of the loop for some time. We all sometimes develope changed ways about ourself when we spend to much time alone. I really know you need to join some clubs and meet people there. It will give you a chance to learn how to communicate correctly. Bowling is a good way to meet people. I went to a bowling alley and asked if there was a team that needed someone and I was able to sub for some teams and join the next year. I met a lot of people and made some very good friends. I'm not saying bowling is the only option I just think you need to think outside the box. Everybody has great qualities that can be offered to others. You need to figure yourself out and lend it to others. I also joined a dart league and met people. try something new, its a new year and its time to try new things. Good luck, keep us posted