Well here it is...as my day progressed I have felt myself slipping and sliding down into hell, I'm in so much pain I honestly don't care if I live or die..

I saw my T and he knew I was heading for trouble, we agreed to have the wait and see approach, we went over my "Plan" in case I need it. Suicidal thoughts are in my face (more than normal). I want to cut, I want to run away, I want to go to bed and just stay there. I'm tired of crying. I hate that no matter how hard I tried there seems no avoiding this crash. No way to relieve my pain. I'm going to load up on sleep meds and hope I sleep.

I'm a weepy pissed off, rage filled, headed for a horrible depression or worse , maybe a mixed episode?

Yes I started on my Haldol.. I'm sure that will increase my already off the charts pain.

Sorry I had to rant/vent or I would explode and drive my car into a tree.