I wish I had more outlets for my rage. I mostly write cause my roommate can't hear me do that. I have had therapists tell me that they can't work with me unless I express my anger physically. I am really scared to do that, esp with no outlets. I took voice lessons once and my teacher wanted me to learn to shout so that I could get used to my voice and I told him my roommate would get upset and so would the neighbors.

So I just walk vigorously on the beach, write, talk to Ani (mentor), listen to music, and most importantly, I validate all my feelings, esp my rage, cause my caretaker, too, told me I was ugly. She kept comparing me to my abusive father, her abusive mother, etc. I grew up feeling like the ugliest monster on earth.

I also turned it on myself, hurt myself and of course, my caretaker got upset about that and called me "crazy" some more.

Our anger and rage at what happened to us is normal; their abuse of us was not. That helps me, too, remembering that.

thanks,

Carol