I ordered a movie this week and watched it last night.

It was supposed to soothe me and help me with some issues.

It did, some, but it also triggered me very badly. It reminded me of some half-remembered things during my childhood, either being exposed to adult activity or actually being sa'd---not sure. Still it really upset me.

Some more anxiety and shame about s*x*ality surfaced again. I did not sleep all night.

I feel soooo sad about this.

I really want to heal s***ally, but it's taking forever.

i hate feeling like I have to avoid s***ality all the time to avoid triggers!

I feel like I have to be some kind of nun or something.

Carol