Last nite just laid in bed having a pretty big pity party for myself... have only gotten out of bed a few times today.. I thought ok, I can handle this.. I thought I was doing okay until .. I went into the kitchen and the ice maker "dropped" ice into the bin and then the dogs were being jerk about there dog bowl ..I felt completely out of control I wanted to scream, break things I felt consumed by rage. I have never felt this out of control ... I have always been sensitive to noises .. But WHAT THE HELL? I have never lost control like this. I found my husband told him I needed a hug and I just sobbed uncontrollably .. He kept saying it will be okay .. Yeah OK ! This horrific pain + hallucinations + poor sleep+ thoughs of cutting+ suicidal thoughts... Yeah sure, I so see how everything will be ok.

Pdoc wants me on Seroquel for " a while" .. No.. Hell No .. I refuse to go back on that evil **** ! I will muddle through this. Things have to get better they just have to.

Thanks