Everyday I run on my emotional hamster wheel and get nowhere. Running and running. Focused and determined. Running from dealing with anything whether large or small. Just running.

I'm looking at my life and the only people who are in it are my children. Which is wonderful. We have a lot of fun and laughs but I know these times won't last forever.

There isn't anyone over the age of 12 I speak to on a regular basis. Not daily, not weekly and barely monthly. Some people try. When I do connect, I don't share much. I only answer what's asked.

Which brings me to the point. I think that is my root problem. Dealing with 'it'. Whatever 'it' is.

I can't. I'm terrified of any emotion. I don't want to feel weak, fragile or child-like. However, I always do. I'm a middle aged woman with the emotional age of a 13 year old girl. It started and I stopped.