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Jan 11, 2013, 03:33 AM
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 76,983
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You don't sound confused. You sound very much like someone who is in pain both physically and mentally.
I wish I could tell you how to make it better but I don't know how. I do understand though. You are describing exactly were I was before my surgery. Things haven't been great since then but the pain has been so much better. I don't have any pain from the L5-S1 nerve any more. The shots I got in my neck helped that for a very long time now that I'm going off the meds I can feel the pain in my neck again so it's time for another injection(only let them do a deep injection with fluoroscope or MRI's so they can see that they will not hit anything else in your neck!), but the lidoderm patches work really well on my neck, you might ask about those if you doc is so worried about pills.
It did take a long time to get diagnosed, go though all the steps, surgery was suggested right away but I insisted on trying all nonsurgical methods first. Ironically when I was ready for surgery my MRI said I was fine, my pain doc said no way, sent me to a different radiologist. MRI's are done differently by different people. The one that said I had no problems was done widely spaced and missed both cysts and the nerve damage. The surgeon also took an old fashion X-ray and that showed the damage much more clearly from the side.
So you may have to be aggressive about getting your pain needs met.
It is possible to get relief. I know it is really hard when the depression hits and they do feed each other. I worried most about becoming addicted something my pain doctor said to let her worry about. I did get tolerance but I'm not having a problem going off. I think people feel better after talking pain meds because their body is feeling better. As a nurse you know there's chemical changes when you are in pain, when you no longer fighting that pain battle the chemicals change again. I have had to make changes but I'm no longer in the pain I was in, I believe the same is possible for you.  
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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