{{{{{{{{{{troubled}}}}}}}}}} I have PTSD, too. I grew up with several occasions of abuse--physical, sexual, and verbal. I came out of it okay and learned to trust again, only to marry someone who would sexually abuse me again (T's say marital rape). He was also physically abusive. I know how emotional this problem can be. I found that I can literally be afraid of my own emotions when it gets bad. Posting here helps, as does going into chat. Look into places for therapy, though. You will need (and I'm sure want) to talk about what's going on.