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Jan 11, 2013, 12:55 PM
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Actually, Mama, when I was dating a few years back, I think she had a sleep over with a male friend, because I remember seeing a photo of her and her male-friend together in a sleeping bag. It didn't upset me. Group interactions are harder for me, she knew that, therefore I didn't mind if she did things with her other friends without me there. I trusted her  .
I used to do that with my interests to. Once at school I approached a girl and told her the size of the Caspian Sea. Who wouldn't want to talk about geographical landforms?  . I can recite many of the world's largest deserts, mountains, lakes, etc. by size, and I can memorize many countries' populations, dates of independence, size, etc. Obviously she didn't want to talk about that, but it took me a few years before I realized that.
I am familiar with the Asperger's forum and a few other members with Asperger's.
I definitely have issues with motor skills, Who. It's embarrassing that I have such difficulties with holding kitchen and writing utensils, brushing my teeth, holding something steady, and although not a motor skill problem, I struggle with speaking too. When I was last in a relationship, for example, she helped teach me how to say the word "specialty," which I couldn't pronounce even as a high school student. I struggle with a lot of things that can be embarrassing.
I've always been in therapy for one reason or another, and I have been repeatedly hospitalized too. Most of my body is now scarred from SI.
I've heard that it is easier for an Aspie female to be in a relationship with a normal man because it is the man that is expected to make the first move, so to speak? I'm a man with Asperger's Syndrome, and I have met only a handful of women that can tolerate me, much less love me, and many of those women eventually have found me intolerable after so long.
Eye contact is weird to me and uncomfortable. I don't understand how come people dwell on that so much. Moreover, I am told that a woman won't talk to a man or feel uncomfortable around him if he wears sunglasses, and I am always behind black-tinted sunglasses when I am not at home. (I have sensory issues with light and wear prescription sunglasses when away from home, and sometimes at home.) I first started wearing glasses because I couldn't handle the lighting in schools and public buildings.
You said it well! No matter what I do I am always doing something wrong and am consequently rejected. I am too insecure, awkward, anxious, I don't maintain eye contact, I lack confidence, or the best of them all, I have weird interests. You would be amazed at how quickly women have rejected me because of the books I like to read or the animals I keep. I am told that I shouldn't talk about them but I think why should I have to lie or pretend I don't have these interests because of other people's ignorance? People continue to reject me because of my interests. You'll read on the "What's the sexiest attribute in a female to you?" thread that something that attracts me is the ability of a woman to respect and accept my interests. In the "Describe Your Dream Vacation" thread, I added a note about sending me hate mail and threats, because that's what people do.
It makes me think that I will never be able to be the 'catch' that women want to date or be friends with. I will never be able to make the perfect impression or be that aforesaid 'catch.' What I need is for someone to be able to take a step back, withhold their judgements, and spend some time with me, not write me off based on first impressions.
When I have earlier emphasized that I am active in clubs and whatnot, I didn't intend to come off as aggressive or desperate, but it can feel like people don't recognize or understand that there is more to it for me than simply being in a club or around people with a similar interest. Someone I know keeps recommending that I visit a bar to make friends - what a disaster that would be.
It would really mean a lot to me if I had a friend or someone close to me I could sit down with and talk to  . Being written off almost instantly and repeatedly hurts, and it certainly doesn't help with my self-esteem.
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