This prevents me from making decisions on my own, as i don't trust myself enough because I always end up screwing up when im on my own.

I am dependent on others in ways that i can't depend on myself. I recently found out through my psychologist and myself while digging for truth, that i find myself worthless, my mother used to give me this terrible looks when i accomplished something, I felt bad and embarrased for opening my spirit up to her. she crushed it.

i can't keep a job, the only jobs i've held long enough for sexual in nature, like massage or escorting.
I want to go back to school but i know i will sabatoge myself like i do when i set out to accomplish something.

i put more emphasis on my looks(external appearance) then i do on the inside and i think i do that because i believe on a subconscious level that i am garbage on the inside and my accomplishments are worthless, ect.

logically i know this is a falicy, but when goals are set in motion i tend to sabatoge them on a subconscious level, so i need to depend on others.

I hate this so much, im on anti depressants now and i feel better, but it still doesn't take away the pain i have and the lack of self confidence. so im in therapy, just started. not sure if it will heal me and make my self image better, but i am really trying hard.

how long will that take? i wish i needed it for alittle while so i can be all better, but i know thats unrealistic, and i have to be patient.