As a child, I had severe emotional impairment that caused me to rage almost everyday to the point that I even had a personal aide in school. Now the content of school wasn't hard for me, but everything else was. I had a huge passion for birds and nature.

I was acting a lot better after high school and I went to college earning a double major in zoology and ethics of science. Then I went on doing a few seasonal jobs. I was learning what I was good at and what I was not good at and I was hoping I would get a great job.

But then I had a serious mental breakdown and I had to go on meds. I found out the meds and symptoms were interfering with me working. I gave up on my dream on having a good job when I deemed unable to work and put on SSI.

I was devastated, but eventually I got in a relationship and it was actually my first relationship at the age of 28! Now that man is my husband. He has a dream, he wants to be a daddy. Well I put all my self-worth into making that happen and the pdoc told me I had to make a major med change to make that happen. I went through hell. When I first changed my meds my brain couldn't handle it and it got so bad I was put in the psych unit for a while. The medication also made me sleep too much, and oddly I developed a severe speech impediment. Now the doc is pulling me off that.

Now I feel so worthless. My dreams are up in smoke, in fact a vocational rehab counselor told me to not look for a job. I can't even be like a normal woman and raise a child. My husband told me if he had my education and intellegence he would have a very good job and I don't know if he realizes how much that hurt. It hurts so badly now that we can't pay all of our bills and sometimes we have to deal with things like not having shampoo because we don't have the money to buy it. My husband also has mental illness and he's crying over me and also he's having increased symptoms of his illness.

I don't want to give up but I don't know what else to do.