Thanks for replying. I read what you said and I know that I am not alone in depression but I still can't help but feel totally alone. My therapist makes me want to call and stop my sessions and never say goodbye. He says he wants at least one additional session if I do decide to quit so that I can tell him what he did "wrong". But I don't believe in right or wrong, or anything else, I just don't think this is helping me at all.

I have a real problem making decisions, so I don't know what to do, if I should just call the receptionist and tell her I'm not going anymore, or if I should really go back. I don't think I can go back. Oh yeah, well on Thursday whenever it was so quiet for a long time he finally asked me what I was thinking about, and I said, "that this is just not going to work" and I don't even remember what he said after that but the impression I got was he really didn't care. He just wants to joke around and he can't see what I really need I don't think.

I just want to give up. There is nothing in life that gives me pleasure, no joy in my life at all. I think I'm too far gone to even go along with these "self-help" books, they require you to have hope as a precursor and write down in exercises what steps you can take to help yourself, but for me I would just write down, "there is nothing that can help me", and "I didn't find any key ideas in this chapter that were useful" because truthfully they weren't useful because I have no will to live, no self-control, no motivation at all.

I know that he is trying to get me to open up and talk and whatnot, but I feel like no matter what I say, he still won't really understand me. And I don't have any needs, wants, or expectations of my therapist because I don't want anything from this world, I just want to die. I hate everything and I just can't function or live.

I feel totally not-in-control of anything. I feel like everything that will happen will happen regardless of anything we think we might be trying to change or do different.