To Sam2, (I was unable to send a PM to you because it requires me to have 5 posts first, sorry)

Thanks for replying. It always saddens me to see/hear about older folks who have suffered for so long. I'm truly sorry for you. I haven't tried to kill myself yet, but I don't think it would be an attempt, if I were to do it, I would make sure that I would be dead.

I've been honest and truthful the whole time to my therapist, as I am with everyone I talk to. I don't like lying or hiding. Still, I agree with you, there are some doors that you hope you never have to open.

I told my therapist my whole life story pretty much, and he still wants me to talk more. I just can't I don't know what to say. I don't really care about anything, don't really want anything. And that is another problem. Therapists look at therapy like any other business. They have a client (me) and they expect that client to have expectations and wants and goals, but all of these are things I just don't have. I'm only there because I don't know what else to do with myself and I either want to get better or find a way to end it. I guess some people just can't understand that.

My therapist doesn't really "get" me, and he tries to make me laugh and stuff, which I don't have anything against it, but it just isn't going to work on me. I think I am too far gone, you know? Because you can't clean this slate, once it is there it is always there it seems.

I don't think it is necessarily about finding a "good" therapist, I think it is just that the way people communicate to each other is like they are talking past each other and not to each other. It is really just impossible to truly understand another person simply because, we aren't them.