I remember being 14 and calling myself crazy like it was super hip. I always knew I was different, I saw it as just having the balls to do and speak my mind. Friends called me crazy and I felt it was cool. I don't know when the word turned around on me to ***** slap me. But it's not important. What is, is that my now a days crazy is sort of unpleasant. Not like is not like before, is just that now I feel is a problem because I shouldn't be like that. Like I'm so slow for organization, I suck at it. It really burns me to be like that, I feel insufficient. Then there's the emotional crazy, like today I'm watching American pie the reunion, the movie just started and I'm laughing my *** off. Probably cuz it was like watching my life in the movie. So of course right after my laughter attack I start crying. Quietly because I'm totally ashamed to be seen crying after I was laughing crazy. Period I don't enjoy to be seen crying or expressing my emotions like that. I dunno when that happened cuz I had no filter before. Any ways... Is no biggie, but I just dislike it. Like I hate that sometimes I'm not able to contain my anger... For no good reason, as if I just needed to yell. Lol I mean there's always stuff that provokes you but I should be able to contain myself. But I don't, it happens too quick, before I can reason about it. I guess my crazy has never been cool except when its channeled into art and thoughts.. Maybe I was crazy for thinking that my crazy was cool.. Nah.. I'm gonna go with it was cool lol