The other day I was unpacking my apartment because I recently moved again, and looked in the side door of a TV cabinet that used to belong to my parents. It was full of VHS tapes, and as I was putting them in a box to bring back to my parents I saw the label of one that caught my eye. The label said "For [my dad's name]," "[Me] pre - 5-23-93," and said stuff like me and my brother at certain points in late 1993 and 1994.

Me pre - 5-23-93 refers to me before a day when I was 3 months old, when my dad threw me and I landed on my head. For awhile I thought I was told the whole story but over the past few years the story has changed so many times that I have no idea what really happened. Because of my age at the time I have no memory of any of this, I have to depend on liars for the truth. Now I don't have to...but do I really want to know the truth?

I know the video isn't going to tell the whole story in detail or anything, but maybe it'll help me piece things together. Who was there, who wasn't, what months/years this was...and how I was. Although I don't know if that's something I want to see, knowing what I know now. The weird thing is I've seen parts of this video before. But it was before I knew what really happened back then, and I don't think it was all of the video...plus it was a very long time ago, so I don't remember it very clearly.

I feel like I NEED to watch it. I know it's probably going to really mess me up for a little while, but if I don't watch it I know I'll always wonder, and never get past this.

I just don't know if this will help, or if its a really bad (even dangerous) idea and I should just let it go.