Wecome and know that you are not alone. in my case its a bit confusing -

By todays standards I am considered emotionally and phyiscally abused by my mother.

but by the standards of the time frame that my mother grew up and started having children Im not considered physically and emotionally abused by my mother.

the things that happened to me by her are not considered physical and emotional abuse. I grew up in the time frame where these now abusive situations were beginning to be questionable parenting skills.

So on the one side I was learning in school what things were beginning to be questionably abusive and on the other I was being raised with the only parenting skills that my mother had open to her.

Back then parents couldn't take a parenting class there was no such thing as parenting classes for relearning how to parent because of the standards with which she was raised were in the process of changing.

the result of changing times I grew up with all this conflicting information of in this generation this is considered ok and the next generation who knows whats acceptable or not but it may be considered abusive by some.

I know that for me there are things that I have to take care of for me but as far as my mother I know she did the best she could with what she was given in a time frame where things that now are against the law and abusive was ok to do back then.

I don't hold her responsible for what she did to me because back then what went on by her was acceptable. She knows that those standards are now considered abuse and have repeatedly appologized to me and I let her know that its ok there is no reason for her to apppolgize.

Its kind of like a person from one country emigrating to another country and then having children. The children grow up in the rules and standards of the new country and also the confliction of the parents home country ways. and sometimes whats right in one country is considered wrong in the other country.

it doesn't make the parents of the children being raised in this conflicting situaion wrong or bad parents.

My mom did the best thaat she could with the knowledge and standards of that time. Just like children being raised now will most likely be raising their children with a complete different standards of what is right and wrong from my generation.

Hang in there. and again welcome.