I've had similar thoughts - I didn't grow up with my dad, he disappeared when I was three or four. He convinced my mother that they were too young for their first child, my sister, and they put her up for adoption. Within the last year I found out that he wanted to do the same thing with me, even though they were older, and my mom put her foot down. Granted, he's never been in my life, so all I have is my mother's word, but she is of the opinion that he wanted the benefits of his marriage to her but none of the responsibility that comes witha child.

I don't know if your situation matches up to mine at all-reading your original post, it doesn't seem like it, but I can in some sense relate - finding out that my father not only gave away my sister but wanted to do the same to me was devastating. I have, in the past year, been able to acknowledge that it, and many other terrifying things from my childhood, wasn't anything to do with me, but with him. He was the one who could 't handle having a child. It wasn't my fault, and what your father did to you wasn't yours either. Children don't have a say in what their parents do or how they behave, but we feel like we do, like it's our fault.

For me it's come to the point that the reasons are irrelevant. My father was unable to care for me like he should have, as a parent, and that wasn't my fault. What happened with yours wasn't your fault, either. I hope that you can find some healing and comfort.

All the best.