I just want to encourage you. You are not BAD or WRONG. What you are doing is not awful or shameful. You take medication to sleep the day away, I used to do that too. It's a horrid feeling, and it brings on shame that you are copping out of life, but it isn't BAD or WRONG. It's what you do to get by. You are surviving. Hooking up with men is also neither BAD nor WRONG. It's a coping skill. It has it's use to get you by. You are doing what you know to do. Sure, there are better skills, but these have worked.

Until now.

Can you just convey to your t that things feel out of control? That you are sinking fast? T will know what to do. You don't have to figure your way out of this alone.

Best wishes, and hugs.