T, I told you way more than I ever expected to tell anyone in my whole life-these were things I've written down but never said to anyone. These were my deepest and most awful thoughts and I felt disgusting as I said them. I also felt like complete trash when I told you I'd SI'd again the day before. I just wanted to get down on my hands and knees and cry and scream "I'm so sorry." But I didn't. Then, later, you told me you were proud of me for something I did. You shouldn't have been proud of me for anything. I'm wasting your time not getting any better. We're going nowhere, and I'm scared to do partial inpatient with you because I'm afraid I'll just waste more of your time.

By the way, its been 3 days since I contacted you by phone, text, or email. That's a record, but I've wanted to so badly. I'm just so ashamed of everything I've done lately.

Wednesday can't come soon enough, t. It will be bittersweet to tell you what I've done and how I felt this week-how I'm not getting any better. I need to talk to you, t, but I know I'm wasting your time and frustrating you.

I'm sorry t.

Nomad