Hey bluefish and welcome. ((Hugs))

I'm sorry you are feeling so worthless right now .
It's a horrible place. I'm not so much in that place at the moment.. I've been having a I'm almost in control time!! It's very tiring and a constant battle with my own thoughts and feelings.

Never knowing if there real or an illusion. They play tricks on me. So I'm trying not to ruin my happiness right now.

I don't really have great advice. I'm afraid. Just that I hear to listen and help where I can.
I'm sure the others in here will be able to help. This is a great group full of amazing people.

Big ((hugs)) I hope you find some motivation soon. Keep strong you will find it