Welcome bluefish! I don't know where you live, but you may want to check out the mental health facilities in your area. I know in my area, it's extremely discounted (like $1-5 a visit) and you get to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. It's state run so it's not the best, but it's better than nothing. They'll help you afford your medication and properly diagnose you. I'm thinking about going back to them, personally, because I lost my insurance when I changed jobs.

It's hard to take good care of ourselves, but it's so important. I know I struggle with it too. I basically have two jobs: school and work. And it's hard to make sure you eat right, get enough sleep, just the basics. It's doubly hard when you're also dealing with depression and/or BPD and/or bi polar. I know I was diagnosed once with Bipolar II but I've been mostly diagnosed with BPD by most of my doctors over the years. Bipolar looks similar to BPD in a lot of ways. It's why seeing a doctor is important. Both are difficult illnesses that should be addressed.

I know it's a silly saying, but take one day at a time. Sometimes I take it one hour at a time. Or even one minute, if I'm having an episode.

Take care (((hugs)))