It sounds like you and your husband really struggle, and I am sorry that you were not able to have a child, but having a child is a big challenge, and such a big commitment, so it may be better that you and your husband don't ad that responsiblity into the mix.

We tend to draw a mental map of having this cute baby and perfect little loving adorable toddler running around, but there is a lot of challenge that comes with that, and always a chance a child can have special needs that are very demanding. And once we "have a child" as I mentioned we have very long journey of ongoing responsibilty, and we can't just one day say, well, I don't want to be a parent anymore. And having a child is truely a full time job and then some. So if you are not able to work and are on SSI, a child is not really a wise choice in my honest opinion.

We often think that we are missing out if we don't follow the normal "family path", but that is not true, there are plenty of things we can do and learn in life without having to be a parent.

What you need most of all now is to get yourself stable again and both you and your husband need to spend time planning a life you both can share that is going to not put you in a situation that causes you stress etc.

Maybe you can, after you get stable, figure out your own small business that is something you can do that you can manage and enjoy. Perhaps a small animal rescue or getting involved with building and supporting "habitat" developement for wildlife.
When you feel better, do some research on the various organizations that support wildlife management, rescues, and perhaps there is a way you can get involved that brings you personal satisfaction.

A dead end is not always a dead end, just a starting point to find another pathway.

Open Eyes