When I craft the red hot ball of anger and pain that is burning in my guts into words, however clumsily, it sometimes allows me to be less overwhelmed by this crushing pain....for a time. But it always comes back. And I always blame myself. Oh how many traps there are for the unwary. I might commit the "crime" of repeating myself.... or worse But if I survive for another night, then it is a positive thing..... for some......