Oh hamstergirl, I'm sorry..that was a poor choice of words on my part. Of course you are sick and tired of fighting and I should have realised that.

Its very difficult to really express what I mean here with only the written word. I guess its not so much a fight you'd have with anyone other than yourself when it comes to opening up and sharing how you feel. After so long being silent, it becomes a battle within to do such a thing. Do you know what I mean?

And though your physical well-being must be very consuming and is very important, your mental and emotional needs must also be somehow met. They matter too. More, if not as much, I'd say. Sometimes, when those needs are met it helps make the physical pain a little easier to bear.

So, I guess thats what I mean when I say fight for that too. Its a different kind of fight....one you have to do with yourself, for yourself. Because you matter. Its a fight of allowing people in; of not being so strong and silent. You've begun to do that here. You've let people in. You've let people care. I care.

And hamstergirl, you are very human. When you are in pain, it is so very hard to focus on anything other than pain. And its exhausting. I had a relatively short experience (about 2 years) with being in constant pain and unable to function and I realise that it doesn't compare with what you are going through but I think it gave me a little taste of what life must be like for you.

I still live with pain (again I doubt it compares to yours) and will for the rest of my life. Luckily, I have these handy-dandy morphine patches that I can slap on for the really bad times (they last for 3 days). Are you prescribed anything for pain, hamstergirl? Is there anything at all that helps take that edge off?



<font color=green>Once in a while it really hits people that they don't have to experience the world in the way they have been told to.</font color=green> --Alan Keightley