Its about a year since I started treatment for my post partum depression. I don't understand why it gets its own category. I think I was never happy, and being post partum pushed me over the edge.

My baby turned a year old and I have made a lot of changes for the better, and at this point I feel stuck. I feel like I'll never be better. I don't know if I WANT to be better. My psychiatrist is the nicest person I have ever met- I am afraid of getting better and losing him. Is that twisted? I feel like its holding me back from healing further.

I'm having a bit of a low lately. I am just in pain and wish I would just die. I have suicidal thoughts but no plans on carrying them out. Couldnt do that to my kids/family... afraid of screwing up and ending up alive with even more pain.

I can't imagine this ever ending...