VERY depressed tonight.

Feeling like nothing good will ever come to me.

Decided to drop someone who's been a friend for 8 years. We've only met once, in person - had our friendship via email, primarily. She lives across the country. I planned a 2 day trip back there for next month (she lives near where I used to live). She said I could stay with her, she'd drive me around, etc. I had planned it for mid-week (airfares are lower), but I've been offered a job, so I have to change the date to a weekend. Now she's saying that her bf always comes over on Saturdays and they've "never been apart on a weekend since they met." This is the guy she says is cold, emotionally unavailable, bad in bed and is a committment phobe. But he's her priority. She's got such a pitiful ego that she'll blow off a girlfriend she's had since long before she met him, and make him her priority. I hate women who blow off women friends when a man calls. She knows how important this trip is to me. I've missed that area (where I used to live) VERY much in the last 9 years, since I've been back where I live now. I hate it here and really, really wanted to make this trip. But I can't go if I have to pay for airfare, car rental and a hotel bill. (I was going to take a camcorder and shoot footage of the area. I can't drive myself and work a camera at the same time. I needed her to drive me) Her canceling means I can't go. So, I'm canceling -- our friendship. If things were reversed, and she wanted to stay with me, I'd tell any boyfriend I had that a girlfriend of mine was coming into town and he was welcome to join us, while we ran around, if he wanted to. But I would put HIM on hold, not tell her "you can't come over because I want to get laid this weekend." That's NOT a friend, in my book.

This life is so tiresome...

This new job I've been offered is something I need -- it's temp-to-perm. I've been unemployed for a while. I know I should be grateful for it, but I'm actually dreading it a little. I hate office jobs, and this is another one. More getting up early, fighting my way through traffic on a 40 minute commute to sit in a tiny cubicle (which I'll be sharing with some man I haven't met yet), and then fighting my way back to my apartment afterwards, collapsing on the bed, exhausted, day after weekday. Then trying to figure out what I can get done on the weekend (like laundry, shopping, etc) - the only time I'll have to do anything I want/need to do. The whole 9 to 5 thing got old to me LONG ago. But I haven't been able to come up with an idea for my own business (one that will support me), and my screenwriting/novelist career is just a dream that hasn't come true.

God, I'm tired...