PhaseSeven!

My immediate thought in response to your post is how lengthy and artistic it is. Beautifully written ~ it sounds as though you've written these words for a newspaper column or a book! Impressive I had to read this post a few times before I was able to put things into a more general perspective regarding your impression of your life.

It does sound as though you have pulled away from others dramatically and have focused a lot on how you are feeling. I had a bad habit of doing the same thing when I was in my mid-20's. My anxiety level jumped sky high in response to such intense non-stop focus though. (Not fun at all, and difficult to work through.)

I do have good news on that front though! Getting through major anxiety simply requires holding yourself to doing things that you're uncomfortable doing. The more often you push yourself, the easier it becomes. And, before you know it, your mind isn't completely focused on yourself and your suffering. It is scary to fight the anxiety, but it can be done ~ and the results are so worth the effort!