Would it matter if I slipped again? Would it matter if I bled? Would it matter if I really really screwed up and threw 2 months of being SI free down the drain?

Screw up stupid not important and so %#@&#! sick of it.

I don't even have the will to do it - I just wish I did. Punishment needed and deserved. I deserve bad. Am so bad. Am so sorry so sorry sorry sorry. Christina is not a good person, not been there for others lately so self-absorbed and I know that's bad I just can't snap out of it.

I don't even know where this post goes... I don't know anything. Am not smart or nice or kind or useful all bad. Stress ucky evil people not so nice and nobody knows how much I wish I could just cut again. I need the pain. I need it.

Won't excuse it. I know its bad. Won't ask anyone to give me an excuse or forgive me if I do slip - because I don't deserve anyone's compassion.

Argh I hate this. So I might be SI free but still thinking about it. Is that bad? I think it might not be so good.