I'm 20 years old, with the worst life you can possible imagine; now you'd think something like "at least you're not living in Africa" or "it could be much worse" these have no relevance whatsoever, and won't help to change or improve my attitude on life. My life is stagnant, boring, and dull. I am fed up of being this way. It's like I'll never ever know any of the sources to my behaviour and problems. It's like I just have to accept it, which there is no way I will accept myself. Not a chance, I have to ****tiest humour tastes ever, by far the WORST EVER. So bad it's just unbearable. It's because of that I can't laugh at a sitcom, stand up comedian, joke, anecdote, you name it. Everyone else can laugh, but me; but if I do, it's something that's so pathetic, stupid, childish and random it's not even funny. I am unwilling to accept myself. I hate myself, I hate having to live with mild symptoms of blunted affect, and subconsciously refusing to move away from my comfort zone. I am stuck there all the time. I hate my boring life. I am insecure. I have no decent qualifications, like GCSEs. (If you have good GCSEs at A-C and high A-level grades, quite frankly I envy you) I hate the fact that I am working at BELOW entry level maths. I don't have a learning difficulty, before anyone mentions. I have autism but this has nothing to do with my maths. I hate my house, there is nothing positive in my life. I will not think positive, because there is nothing to be positive about. I strongly suspect to be narcissistic, I suffer from inferiority and superiority complex. I have to live at home, where it is shabby, old fashioned, vile and grim. I don't know anything about anything, I am not intelligent, I am naturally stupid. I don't know ANYTHING about different subjects like science, history, economics, current affairs. I am the dumbest and most stupidest person alive today. I also suspect that struggle with outward expressions but I don't get irritated much. I really need some help, I went to the doctors this week regarding counselling and I was given a questionnaire to fill in, I will be back next week at the doctors but if I get referred it may be a while because NHS waiting lists.