I'm just plain losing it. I'm ready to just give up. I don't feel as though anything anyone says will help but I'm posting for lack of any better ideas. I have enough pain killers and sleeping pills to take with the single beer I have in front of me to make giving up a reality but so far I've resisted temptation. I tried calling Suicide Prevention and was told no volunteers are available in a recorded message.

I didn't really think they'd be able to help anyway. I'm just plain tired of trying to make a life for myself. Can anyone else see what I mean? I feel as though I've wasted my entire life from start to... well until now. And the future doesn't look any more promising. I can't stick to anything I try to do.

This seems like it's just so much whining to me, but then that's as much the problem as anything. I don't really want to talk about it with anyone but I am so lost I don't know what else to do. It all seems so pathetic to me, like a complete waste of time for anyone who might read this. I don't even know what I expect to accomplish with this post. I just need to get it off my chest I guess. I have made so many dumb mistakes and I'm sick to death of living with them. I keep having dreams where I am the outcast among a close-knit group. It mirrors my experiences so closely I can't escape the message, i.e. that I don't fit in with any group and I never will because I'm an antisocial loser. I'm sorry, but I just don't know what else to do other than post this nonsense.

Thanks to anyone willing to read this. But I don't know what good it will do.