It's hard to say the least. I have bipolar disorder so I go through that all the time. Have you ever went to a psychiatrist or therapist? These sounds like the beginnings to me but I am no doctor.

But when you are feeling low (especially about yourself) you have to just pick yourself up and do something. Anything. An hour ago I was in such despair. Then I forced myself out of bed and took a shower and cleaned my room. I made my bed, now I am just sitting up in a chair and the despair has left me and I am in a mellow state. Sometimes doing small things can really lift your spirits.

Try and remember that and keep posting!