Awww hun Please reach out for what ever help you need. Take your pills in the bottle and wrap them in walmart bags( a lot) and tie knots in them add tons of tape and lock them in your trunk.. It will help you deal with impulses.. Please know that moods will come and go, It's a damn cycle but eventually things will improve you know this deep down.

I will share with you something my T talked to me about .. If a Parent commits suicide it increases there childs risk of suicide by 50% Yes 50%.. Your kids need you.

Reach out for whatever help you need, Please, it will get better.