Hi cup-cake. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I know it seems like you're trapped in a deep pit and nothing is ever going to change, but the one big truth about bipolar is is always shifts.

Sounds like you're in depression to me. Losing interest in all the things you used to do and clinging onto fast paced stimulous (internet) and self-medicating with coffee. Ironically, I used to do that, too when I was 18-19. I actually can't drink coffee now because of that time in my life. (I was up to 15 "cups" a day at one point. And not fancy starbucks or anything, what I like to call gutter sludge.)

Anyway, I know those obsessive thoughts are really annoying. I get them too. They are usually linked to something that's triggered me. It's really key to learn your triggers. Once I was searching for this particular lingerie model who I'd seen one picture of her. I was trying to find her so that I could try to make myself look exactly like her. I searched for her obsessively for about 3 weeks, and then it slowed down. Now, sometimes I might think about her, but the need to look exactly like her is gone. I try to slow myself down. Sometimes I force myself to get away from the computer. It's not easy. I'll say this is something I have a major issue with, actually, so you're not alone.

You do need a psychiatrist. Are you seeing anyone for your eating disorder? I think that adds an extra spin to your bipolar, so you need someone who specializes in both if you can find one. There are actually some really good places for people with eating disorders. They are places where you stay, and they have psychiatrists, etc. I knew a lady who had to go to one recently. I think she stayed a couple of weeks. So it's a longer stay, but she was doing much better after mentally/emotionally, and with food, and then they set her up to follow up with a psychiatrist and psychologist. It's worth looking into.

And I agree with Trippin about the meds.

Don't worry about venting, that's what we're here for.