I'm sorry for blowing up at you like that.

With surgery, I find that the battle is 90% mental. Without something to sustain you, friends around you and just basic HOPE, everything is lost. At least in the children's hospitals, they try to raise your morale. Adult hospitals are sterile, frightening and notoriously depressing.

And I've been isolating myself for years. I'm frightened of people, I'm frightened of being loved. (It's not going to last.)

You've been living in pain for 2 YEARS!? That makes me a newbie, friend. I'm only on month 2 of this little funfest.

I'm only on Oxycocet. My mother is strongly pushing for a pain clinic. But there are waiting lists up here...for everything. Any real relief is several months away and my mental well-being and my life have been ravaged by this. I NEED HELP NOW! I'm praying for hours just for the strength to do the groceries.

All I have to do is crawl into bed and the pain stops. That's all I have to do to stop this nightmare...crawl into bed and stay there, my friend.