Hello ppmc welcome here .

I'm sorry you're not even able to accept having a dx without experiencing it as potentially all your fault. I do feel similarly though, it's nice to have a formal dx, a model of what's wrong, but as you said, it only feels ok up to a point.

Can I ask whether you are seeing a therapist? I suspect that AvPD is not one of those things that it's very easy to deal with in isolation/alone and having a T can be really helpful.

As for guilt, well yeah, I'm guilt on legs. I'm not sure I feel guilty about the dx's I have though, so much as just plain guilty for being me. It wouldn't matter what label I had, the simple fact of its being me is enough to be bad and wrong .

Torn