regarding suicide being selfish....i think if those people who love me actually felt what I feel all day long, they would understand. if I were dying a slow painful death by cancer, some might even considering helping me along...but if it's psychic pain - too bad for me? doesn't seem fair.

why do people insist that I should stay here for others? i don't get it. they are saying, "screw you emmy. you can suffer like this for the rest of your life, who cares? your pain is your problem. deal with it. only other people's pain matters. not yours."

i disagree. I feel dead already. I am empty inside. every day is a rainy night.

frig. seems like i want permission, and of course, I know I'm not going to get it.