Looking.....

It took a lot of courage for you to hold yourself out there and be honest with what you have done. You do deserve the support of others and forgiveness. You are deserving of this for many reasons. First and foremost it appears that you are genuinely repentant for what you have done. Second, you are taking the steps that you need to take to get better. And, third, we are human... we make mistakes. We should not be judged by the mistakes we make, rather we should be judged by the actions we take to correct those mistakes.

I can relate so much to your situation. Like you I have batteld depression. And, like you, I exhibited behaviors that I am not proud of. I was never violent, but I did seek out sexual gratification with other women. I know now that my escapades were due, in large part, to a major life trauma and my ongoing depression.

Like you I am getting the help that I need. But, at times it seems too little too late. Unfortunately people judge us by our actions and their view of us may be slow to change, if it changes at all. So, what is frustrating is that you can be remorseful, repentant, take all the steps you need to take to change... yet you are still isolated and lonely. Like you I live each and every day regretting the things that I have done. But, little by little to have to let go of that regret as it will only hold you back from moving forward.

Because of my actions I lost a woman that I loved with all my heart. She will never forgive me, nor allow me back into her life. On the one hand I totally understnad her position and I would probably do the same thing if I was in her position. On the other hand, I love her deeply and I know that I can turn things around.

In the final analysis I think that the person that you need to be most comfortable with is yourself. I am sure that when you were abusive you were not proud of yourself or your actions. Now that you are getting help and moving in the right direction you have something that you can be proud of. Rejoice in that. Then, when you are feeling better and have the inner strength and confidence you will have the energy to reach out to others and they will want to keep company with you.

I wish you the best of luck. I can certainly relate to what you are going through.