Quote:
Originally Posted by Torn Mind
I live in permanent fear of all the judgements and criticisms and rejections by others that my own perceptions keep throwing up all the time, even when I’m alone and there’s no-one around to do the judging. Like I’ve got a permanent judge inside my head monitoring every thought and feeling and perception, action and word, and I feel like I’m being watched, scrutinized, seen by the whole world.
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The whole idea of ‘challenging’ fears by testing reality just doesn’t work for me – because I still come away from interactions with people convinced that I have shown myself up for the bad wrong unacceptable unlikeable unwantable person I really am and nothing anyone can say (if they bother to say anything at all that is) can undo that negative emotional conviction.
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Well, OK... but if you keep demonstrating that you're bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable but no one
notices -- we go right on liking and admiring you and appreciating what you post, for instance -- then how much difference does it actually make that you're bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable? Is there any sort of test for who is and who isn't? I was thinking that if we
all turned out to be bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable, you might fit right in!
By any chance is there (or was there) someone in particular who considers (or once considered) you bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable? In that case I can see where you might want to prove to them that you weren't or (worst case) let them prove to you that you were so you'd at least know what you were dealing with. Even if they were no longer available for discussion, though, you could have that same conversation with an empty chair.