It's normal to feel these emotions. Probably because you are thinking about how you used to feel about him. I'm so sorry that he treated you that way. From the way that you describe things, it sounds like you really did dodge a bullet by not marrying him. But we can't help but wonder "what if." With time you will find someone new. Someone that will care about you and your interests. Someone who will want to really share their life with you. It doesn't sound like your ex really wanted that, so I'm not sure why he proposed to you in the first place.