the first step in healing is to realize you're sick. talk about the stink of burning brakes on that one...... that's probably why some won't stop. Keep running strying to stay ahead of the stink....... But, once we stop, and deal with the overtaking black cloud, find a safe place, clean ourselves up, and figure out how to start new ways, and aren't spending all our energy on denial....... whew, heavy price tag, but, I ain't going back there to the stinking pit if I can help it!!!

I have to be responsible to myslef for myself. I have to discover and honor my boundaries, whether they are physical limitations, mental limitations, social limitaions, what-ever limitations-- the lessons I have learned must be remembered and implemented by me. I have to decide to stop beatnig my head against the wall.... then figure out a healthy was to achieve whatever, or let go, or ask for help.......

It's a lot of work. Most people have no idea what you're going through and it feels very lonely. Finding new ways to look at and respond to *everything*. Takes a heap of commitment. Takes courage. Takes hitting bottom enough times to make you angry enough to have the energy to start the process.

Each of us hits our point of change when our ducks are in the right row. I just try to always do my best, then try to forgive myself when I bloody my knees while working on lining up the ducks.... asking forgiveness.... humbling work. Not for everybody, eh? The only thing that saves me is to remember "A humble person cannot be humiliated.". Laughing at myself in places that used to evoke rage..... signs of healing, AAA ticket ride.