I'm at three years post baby in February. Can't say that I don't want to get better for a doc; haven't seen a doctor since I gave birth that I didn't want to kick in the face. I actually fantasize about making an appointment with the OB just to see if I can break his jaw while he is between my legs and I can get some good leverage.

I can relate though to just wanting to die. I have wanted to kill myself everyday for almost three years now. I stare at the rifles in my closet and try to figure out if I could make it look like an accident because it seems like it would somehow be better if they thought it wasnt' on purpose. I hate my kids for existing because they make me too guilty to kill myself.

If you find the way out let me know, once you have kids it doesn't seem there is really any way to make it better by changing your life all around. you can't leave the bad relationships and choices behind. They are right there in front of you asking for mashed potatoes and there is no one else to give it to them. Just drink your wine, take whatever drugs a doc will give you and distract yourself with strangers on the internet. One thing is for sure, it isn't forever, and for me that is my only comfort and you take comfort where ever you can get it.