Having a mental issue makes all of life's challenges ten times worse. You are not worthless. No one is. If you believe that you are, your life will not get better. I know it is hard to see beyond what is happening now. When in severe depression, it is hard to imagine a better life. Money problems just make things worse. Having the correct dowager in medicine is crucial. I can tell by your post you should be monitored more. After your moods are stable, it will be time to work through your problems. If you are struggling with money, it would only be worse with a child. The stress will cause serious breakdowns. Can you imagine trying to care for a child while feeling the way you do? I had to learn this the hard way. I remember feeling so depresses the thought of getting my daughter out of bed, feeding, and tending to her needs was almost impossible. You have to be mentally, physically, and financially prepared. I know this doesn't make you feel better, but maybe you can see that having a baby now would be bad for not only you but the baby as well. I started feeling better by volunteering. I have a difficult time working because I would call in when I couldn't get the energy to get out of bed. Volunteering was optional. I could choose when. It gives me something to do. It allows me to interact with people. Also be thankful for what you do have. You have a partner, a roof over your head and food. Happiness is a state of mind. Money is not everything. Not having children is something you have to accept. That sounds bad, but how is dwelling on it benefiting you? You also have to ask yourself exactly what the number one issue you are having. Then you have to address it. Writing is very therapeutic. You can ramble all you emotions. Anger and sadness can wreck your life. What makes you feel worthless? Would you think a friend was worthless if they were experiencing the same thing? What would you tell her? Try looking for a very part -time cash paying babysitting job. I have done this and it is a good way to make money without affecting your disability. You can do most of what you usually do while making money. How is your husband's illness making yours ' worse? What does he need to do to try to make things better? Try to break the barrier of your own negative perceptive. I had a difficult time with this. Then, every time I got upset I thought of ways it could be worse and that made it bearable. I wish you the best.